Not Another Imus Blog

2011-10-10T00:32:00.001-05:00

I know I've been away for a long time. As an apology gift, here is some Feets.

Fred Imus, 1941-2011

2011-08-09T00:58:00.002-05:00

Very sad news today about Fred Imus.

Like you, I always looked forward to Fred's calls. He was hilarious and a great part of the program, and he influenced the show in countless ways, big and small. He'll be missed by fans - even John McCain mentioned his passing today on Twitter. But more importantly, he'll be dearly missed by his friends and family.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to Fred and his family.

I'm Back

2011-05-06T00:28:00.005-05:00

No, really, I am.

You guys of course know all about the radiothon.

I'm very sad about Charles McCord leaving today. Charles was one of my favorite parts of the show - he had a great rapport with Imus and is a very funny and talented gentleman. I really wish he could stay; I also wish him the best.

It's Not You...It's Me

2010-12-19T01:33:00.002-06:00

No, really, it is. You're not the reason I haven't been calling or visiting lately. I've had other obligations, other people in town. It's been busy.

Would this make you feel better? How about this? Don't feel bad, 'cause I still like you, and we got a good thing goin' on.

The Rent

2010-11-02T00:36:00.000-05:00

It is too damn high.

(Happy Erection Day, you guys. Be sure to vote!)

You Can't Be A Beacon if Your Light Don't Shine

2010-10-26T01:36:00.003-05:00

-Rob Bartlett and Tony Powell will be starring in "Motherbrothers" at the 7 Angels Theatre in Waterbury, Connecticut this Saturday, October 30th at 8 PM. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-The second installment of the Imus Ranch Record is out. My subject line is a title from one of the tracks on the album, because, hey, it's true.

Appropriate Musical Choices

2010-10-07T02:15:00.003-05:00

So a few days ago I was killing time and watching some of "Imus Extras" clips on Youtube. These are the "Best of" videos posted by FBN which run about a minute long.

Now, if you've ever watched videos on Youtube, then you know about the website's "Suggestions" column to the right. This is where Youtube suggests videos that are similar to the current one, or videos that other people watched immediately after watching yours.

As I scrolled down the list, passing through a bunch of Imus clips, I stumbled upon two Youtube Suggestions which clearly embody the spirit of the program:.

1) Salt-N-Pepa - Push It

2) The Spice Girls - Wannabe

So, apparently people who watch Imus clips on Youtube immediately watch these songs next.

Confession time: Which one of you is the Spice Girls fan?

A Night at the Opera

2010-09-27T22:33:00.003-05:00

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Lebanon Opera House in Lebanon, NH this Saturday, October 2nd. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-So apparently this epic boxing match is on Youtube. (Thanks, Lenny.)

Fore!

2010-09-21T01:48:00.003-05:00

The 3rd Annual Imus Ranch Golf Outing will be held this Wednesday, September 22nd in Milford, CT. It should be a lot of fun.

Sunday Morning, Brings The Dawn In

2010-09-07T00:48:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, the New York Times profiled Warner Wolf's average Sunday. I will admit that "reading, watching, and sleeping sports" sounds like a pretty good way to spend it.

Issues in the Workplace

2010-08-15T23:30:00.003-05:00

-Rob Bartlett will be at Uncle Vinnie's Comedy Club in Point Pleasant Beach, NJ this this Friday, August 21. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-So, as the subject line said, I have a certain issue in the workplace. One of my coworkers is dating Pig Feets.

No, really. He hails from the Mississippi Delta, he’s a white boy (well, he’s 40, so he's not really a “boy”); and most importantly, he tohks jus like he frum da ribbah. He’s super nice and everything, but GUYS. He’s Pigs Feet.

The best was when we all went to a restaurant the other day, and he went on a long extended monologue about True Blood, which is a show about vampires. Picture Feets talking about fictional vampire love relationships for fifteen minutes in a Japanese restaurant, and you will truly know what it is like to live my life.

Of course, I’m not mentioning this to anyone. They’re happy, and my coworker is far too sweet to know that her boyfriend was previously dating a chicken.

Wow. Just...Wow.

2010-08-04T22:47:00.002-05:00

As we quietly read our lunch menus, I couldn't help but listen to the people in the booth behind me. They were a couple, a man and a woman, and they were holding a lively conversation.

The woman was talking about a person - I have no idea who - but her caustic tone showed that she wasn't a fan of him. And the man felt the same way.

Because when she finished her story the man slapped the table and cried, "Get OFF my PHONE! Are you SERIOUS?"

* * *

So, question. Do people actually use this phrase? Is it popular with The Kids Today, or something? Because I had no idea.

Now it's your turn. Have you ever had a weird situation like this? Random people on the sidewalk or in the Chinese restaurant singing "Astral Weeks" or quoting Alger Hiss? Share your stories.

LXX

2010-07-23T00:19:00.002-05:00

Hooray for birthdays.

Christmas in July

2010-07-12T22:28:00.002-05:00

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Comedy Connection in Rhode Island this Friday, July 17th. Tickets and more information are here.

-You know, I've never been a fan of "Christmas in July." I love Christmas carols and other "tis the season" things, but I believe that that stuff should be celebrated around, you know, the actual holiday. That said, some Christmas stories can be enjoyed year-round.

Possum Trot, Alabama, You're On The Air

2010-07-01T00:05:00.002-05:00

Alas, Larry King is retiring from his program on CNN. Like many of you, I will miss his morning doses of wisdom.

Who Ya Gonna Call?

2010-06-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

-Here's a feel-good, inspirational news story for your Monday. Quite frankly, the headline says it all: "Medicine man of Imus wards off evil spells and helps solve crimes." The article also notes that this man moonlights as a "witch-buster." It's things like this that help me sleep soundly at night.

-The Third Annual Imus Golf Outing will be held on September 22, 2010 in Milford, Connecticut.

Empire Radio

2010-06-15T00:15:00.006-05:00

Today's topic? New York Governors!

-First, there's this article, which claims that Eliot Spitzer almost got a radio contract...with WABC. Which would have been fun.

-Several days ago the New York Times ran an interesting article about Gov. Paterson and his affinity for calling in to various radio shows in the NYC area. In fact, the photo accompanying the article showed a very detailed, candid shot of the back of the I-man's head. Not gonna lie, if I were the Governor of New York, I too would totally mess with people and call in to my favorite radio shows as "CG from Albany."

I'm Never Gonna Dance Again - Guilty Feet Have Got No Rhythm

2010-05-28T00:13:00.002-05:00

A writer for the Washington Post compiled a list of the Top Sports Anchors in DC since 1970...and, no surprise, Warner Wolf made #1.

When I first read this, I thought, "Wow! That's an honor!" Then I read further...and discovered that the #2 sports anchor in DC was a man by the name of "George Michael."

So, Warner either just beat the kid from Arrested Development, or he beat one half of the duo behind "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." Even if you're a fan of the Bluth family, and even if you secretly know the lyrics to "Father Figure" by heart (Sample: "I will be your preacher-teacher, anything you have in mind")....you have to admit that neither of these guys probably know a lot about sports. While Warner is awesome, this really isn't that big of an achievement.

Note to DC: Get better sports anchors!

Lost in Translation

2010-05-24T01:21:00.003-05:00

-Larry Gatlin will host the program in the third week of June, during the show's vacation.

-This article came up in Google News, so of course it's accurate. Apparently, in a town called "Imus," the "DILG calls on LGUs to observe 'Araw ng Pambansang Watawat' on May 28." As well they should.

It's (Almost) Summertime!

2010-05-16T19:59:00.002-05:00

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Seven Angels Theatre in Waterbury, CT this Saturday, May 22. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-This is a little old, but it made me laugh out loud.

Radiothon #21

2010-05-06T00:30:00.003-05:00

Yup, it's that time of year again. Click here for more information.

Fashion

2010-05-05T00:36:00.000-05:00

Some people just have a knack for it.

Cause and Effect

2010-04-29T00:43:00.001-05:00

Well, this happened, which naturally caused this to happen.

Ramblin' On

2010-04-25T19:50:00.002-05:00

If you enjoy things like "music" and "pleasant sounds," then you probably love the Band and Levon Helm. Their music, as you're well aware, has been prominently featured on the Imus program for many years.

So here's my question: What are your five favorite songs by Levon and/or the Band? Cover songs can count as well.

Also, Levon might be coming to a town near you. You never know!

Yay For Articles

2010-04-12T00:15:00.003-05:00

This one is pretty good.

EDIT: OK, for some reason it's not letting me link to that article, so here's a summary of it via mediabistro. So I guess the title of this post should be "Yay For Article Summaries," or something.

Things & Stuff

2010-04-06T23:17:00.002-05:00

-Imus at Night will be this Thursday, April 8th, at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut.

-Rob Bartlett will perform at the Mayo Center for the Performing Arts in Morristown, NJ this Saturday, April 10th; More information can be found here. He'll also be at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York next Saturday, April 17th; click here for more info.

The Youtubes

2010-04-02T01:26:00.002-05:00

This one's pretty simple. What are your favorite Imus clips on Youtube? Which ones do you like to watch when you need a laugh, want to procrastinate, or do something else?

(And yes, if it's a video clip from a different site, like the FoxBiz one, then you can post that too.)

A New Beginning

2010-04-01T01:31:00.005-05:00

This blog changes today. Instead of focusing on a radio show, it will henceforth discuss the life and career of the 30th President of the United States, Calvin Coolidge. (See my new screenname for confirmation.)

In the comments, discuss your favorite memories and moments of the Coolidge Administration.

Imus at Night

2010-03-27T11:31:00.002-05:00

It'll be on Thursday, April 8th; click here for tickets and more info.

Favorite Moments

2010-03-24T01:36:00.004-05:00

All right, here's a question that I've never asked before. What are your favorite moments from the program?

It could be anything. Maybe something famous (or not-so-famous) from the past, or maybe something that you hear every day. Whatever you'd like to mention.

And if you can't think of anything off the top of your head - because, hey, we are talking 35+ years of material here - then just list something that made you laugh. Like, "Hey remember that one time when that guy messed up? And everybody laughed at him? Well, that was hott."

Kiss Me, I'm Imus

2010-03-16T16:11:00.002-05:00

Well actually, I'm not, but that's what's happening on March 17th at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square.

Have fun if you go, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

The Lost Boys

2010-03-13T13:55:00.007-06:00

-I think my new favorite catchphrase is “He’s one taco short of a Happy Meal.”

-I know a lot of people like the “5 Songs of the Week” thing, and this week happened to have a pretty good selection: it was “Doo-Wop Week,” and featured five songs of that genre.

This is 100% coincidence, I’m sure, but two of those songs - The Silhouettes' "Get a Job" and the Del-Vikings' "Come Go With Me" - are featured on one of my favorite soundtracks of all time. It's also the soundtrack to one of the more traumatizing movies I’ve ever seen: Stand By Me.

Why traumatizing? Because of my expectations. Since this is a movie about four young boys on an adventurous journey, I went into this film thinking it would be a fun “childhood adventure movie.” And it is: It’s about sad, jaded adults looking back to that glorious, carefree, innocent childhood of the 50s – back when your abusive family of drunks and killers made you an outcast in small-town America. Or when your superstar quarterback brother was the only family member who ever loved you, but now he’s DEAD, and your parents mourn their far-superior offspring by wishing that you were the one in the coffin. Or when your adored, PTSD-riddled father tries to kill you by holding your face to the hot stove, burns off your ear, and is promptly shipped to the insane asylum. Or when your "friends" all hated you because you were fat, or something, and they barely tolerated your much-loathed presence. Oh, and in the climax they all find a dead kid in the swamp, and everybody screams and cries and freaks out. Crank up the Buddy Holly!

I never quite got the message of this movie. So childhood is much better than being an adult…but…childhood sucked too? I guess? So life is horrible either way? Eraserhead was more uplifting than this film.

The one saving grace of this movie is the villain, who's played by a teenaged Kiefer Sutherland. At that period in his life, Kiefer was, officially, the blondest person in the United States. Seriously. Lots of people have blond hair; Kiefer’s hair was yellow. This slightly unsettling picture barely does it justice, but he looked like he’d gone apple-bobbing in the Crayola “Yellow” vat. Or head-butted a freshly painted school bus. Every time he appeared onscreen I just stared slackjawed, saying, “Wow! His HAIR!” while he ran around stabbing some orphans. It caused a terrific distraction from the tortured kids and dead people and general despair, so, thank you, Mr. Sutherland. It should also be noted that a few years later he again used his versatile, gorgeous locks in a different field, specifically: Vampiric Mullets.

But this is not a blog about vampire mullets; this is a blog about the Imus program. And so the next point will actually be related to the show, and it's about

-Videos. I know that a lot of you like to watch clips of the program online, and if you go to the Video Site, and select "Imus in the Morning" or "Imus Extras" from the menu, then you'll find a lot of fun stuff that usually doesn't make it to Youtube. The only downside is that John McEnroe screams at you a lot between video clips. But that is the price you have to pay for Pig Feets.

I Don't Care if I Never Get Back

2010-03-07T19:34:00.004-06:00

-Rob Bartlett will be performing at the Music Hall in Portsmouth, NH this Saturday, March 13. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-He'll also be at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York City next Saturday, March 20. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-The MLB Network will be airing spring training updates on the Imus program. Expect many "fair pole" discussions in the weeks to come.

-Thanks to the reader who posted the news of Craig Crawford resigning from MSNBC. Here's the crazy thing about this story: I would've found it mildly interesting had he just stated the standard, "I had a great time there, I'll miss everybody, it's time to move on and spend time with my family," etc. But no. In the comments of that link above, Mr. Crawford tears into the MSNBC personalities (particularly Chris Matthews) and talks about how much he hated his job. Dude is MAD. And it surprises me, coming from sweet Craig Crawford, too.

So here's hoping he'll be on the Imus program bright and early this week. Now, if we could only get Jack Jacobs...

The Walter Winchell of Whoopass

2010-03-03T11:56:00.004-06:00

-Alas, Kinky Friedman lost the Democratic nomination for agriculture commissioner on Tuesday.

-Speaking of elections, are there any New York politicians out there who aren't having issues right now? Particularly (but not limited to) the ones on the Imus program? It's a fascinating soap opera to watch, though maybe not so much if you live there.

-Finally, you'd better watch Thursday's show if you know what's good for you, brotherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Come Fly With Us

2010-02-20T12:00:00.005-06:00

-A rapper claims that he and Mitt Romney got into a fight on an airplane. Wait, what?

-Speaking of planes, apparently an airline called "CitationAir" is a new sponsor for the program. I particularly like their name, which suggests that their airline caters to people obsessed with MLA format and nitpicky punctuation. Sign me up!

-As you've probably heard, business reporter Charles Gasparino left CNBC for Fox Business last week, and he's also appearing on Monday's program. Judging by the thousands of frenzied articles about his departure, this is a good move for him. Congrats to Mr. Gasparino.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T10:13:00.003-06:00

I hope you have a lovely day that's completely devoid of any marital discord.

Gov. Paterson

2010-02-10T11:05:00.002-06:00

There are about 8000 articles about his appearance on the program this morning; here is one of them.

What Are Your Five Favorite Songs?

2010-02-05T20:02:00.010-06:00

I thought that this would be a fun topic. If you could play five of your favorite songs on the radio, which ones would you pick? Which songs do you hold dearest to your heart?

I've listed mine below.

1) Mr. T - Treat Your Mother Right

2) Pat Boone - Enter Sandman

3) Gunther and the Sunshine Girls - Ding Dong Song (caution: fairly NSFW)

4) Miami Dolphins - Can't Touch Us

5) Mormon Tabernacle Choir - Battle Hymn of the Republic

I hope my list gets on the air...do you think I have a chance?

Keeping Up Appearances

2010-02-03T00:20:00.003-06:00

Rob Bartlett will be at tbe Gotham Comedy Club this Saturday, February 6th, at 8 PM. Tickets and more information can be found here.

Rob Bartlett and Tony Powell will be at the The Lane Theater in Staten Island on Saturday, February 13th, at 8 PM. Tickets and more information can be found here.

9:20

2010-01-27T11:13:00.003-06:00

The Imus program has extended to 9:20 AM, ending shortly before Stuart Varney's program. This is, of course, on he television side and is intended for Fox Business viewers. If you listen to the radio instead, well, things are pretty much the same and you'll probably never get back those thirty seconds that you spent reading this. My apologies.

Royalty

2010-01-18T15:27:00.007-06:00

It was recently announced that Saudi Prince al-Waleed bin Talal has talked to Rupert Murdoch about investing in Murdoch's news conglomerate. Personally, I welcome his involvement. Why, you ask? Take a look at a picture of the Prince, when he was in Bulgaria getting some award, and you'll see why:

If he buys Fox News, the channel will be nothing but old-couple bickering and people yelling at their best friends. And seriously, how awesome is that? The obvious downside, of course, is that I can't see a Saudi prince tolerating any "Jewish marriages."

That's So 2007

2010-01-13T00:07:00.005-06:00

There's a lot of stuff in the news right now that smacks of that fateful year. There's also a lot of stuff that does not smack it, but rather strokes it gently. Such as:

- The Leno-Conan mess at NBC. I know you're all familiar with the situation, and you've likely heard that Conan has announced his resignation. This means that NBC will soon be naming his inevitable, long-awaited replacement: Lane Kiffin.

No, seriously, they'll name Leno and put an end to the long national nightmare that was completely their own doing. Has NBC learned from anything at all, in the past three years or so, about "crisis management" and "planning ahead"? At least the Imus situation came from nowhere; but they had five years to prepare for the Tonight Show handover. It even goes beyond April 2007 incompetencies, if such a thing is possible.

But anyway, best of luck to Conan. I always loved watching him in high school and I'm sure his second act is right down the road. And hey, he wouldn't be the first person to leave NBC for greater success at Fox.

- So, what's this deal with Harold Ford Jr. running for the New York Senate seat? Even though he's from, like, Tennessee? Can someone explain this to me?

- Also 2007: Racial gaffes! Harry Reid has been the talk of the town, probably much to the relief of Rod Blagojevich. This is too bad, because Blago's comment - that he was "blacker" than the President - was pretty bizarre/hilarious, even for him. What made me laugh even harder was his statement afterwards: "I deeply apologize for the way that was said and having said it. Obviously, I am not blacker than President Obama."

C-SPAN

2010-01-07T11:05:00.005-06:00

You can't watch healthcare coverage there...but hey, at least you can watch this!

(Muchos gracias, Fake Cardinal.)

The Cabinet of Mysteries

2010-01-02T15:45:00.008-06:00

Every woman possesses a deep, dark secret within the confines of her own home: The makeup drawer. If you are a woman, or if you've ever lived with one, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. This is the drawer, usually in the bathroom, where the woman throws anything vaguely cosmetics-related. You never know what you'll find in there. Holiday Inn shampoos dating back to the Reagan administration. Lipstick with shades like "Puce Rutabaga" that the owner wouldn't wear to a leprosy ward. Glittery, radioactive-shaded nail polish for kids, stored in vials that are old enough to drive, drink, or vote.

When I opened mine a few days ago, searching for something, I found an item in the very back that's similar to those above. The only difference? It was much, much more sinister.

(Actually it was lip gloss, but that picture from the beauty website is more prettier and stuff.)

I have absolutely no idea how this got there, or from whence it came; all I know is that I'm truly frightened that A) this exists, and B) it somehow ended up in my house. Honestly, the Imus Ranch should probably just stick to coffee.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T00:00:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas to all of you who stop by here on a regular basis - and even for those of you who don't. I hope that you have a wonderful day filled with joy, laughter, and people that you love.

(But if it doesn't work out that way...you're not alone!)

Citadel

2009-12-22T01:05:00.002-06:00

Yeah, so, um...things aren't good?

Happy Hollitations

2009-12-13T22:48:00.005-06:00

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Boulton Center in Bayshore, NY, this Saturday, December 19th; more information can be found here. He'll also be at the Seven Angels Theatre in Waterbury, CT this Saturday, December 20th; more information can be found here.

-Since we're right in the middle of the holiday season, I think it's highly appropriate to show this Christmas clip from The Daily Show, which prominently features Bo Dietl. If you ever feel overwhelmed or disconnected from the real "reason for the season,"then I strongly urge you to watch Bo's explanation of "the true meaning of Christmas" at the end of the video. If that does not bring you to tears, then I frankly don't know what would.

Rage Against The Machine

2009-11-30T22:44:00.002-06:00

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Gotham Comedy Club in Manhattan this Saturday, December 5th. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-So in the past few weeks or so, a lot of you have probably noticed an "interesting" visitor on this site. He only speaks Japanese; he likes to chat (a lot);and he likes to sell potentially shady merchandise. In short, he's a spambot.

Well, I hate that it's come to this, but I've officially decided to install a No-Robot Policy here at this blog. I set up those little text box-thingys where you have to type in a gibberish word in order to comment; this ensures that only humans can post. Yes, I hate to discriminate against someone based on their ethnic origins (50% steel, 50% silicon). And yes, it pains me deeply to shun a lonely soul who just wants to talk to someone, anyone, about his massive piles of software, gadgets, and Viagra. But no one ever said that life was easy.

Yet there are so many unanswered questions about our visitor. What does a Japanese robot see in the Imus program? Why is he obsessed with Van Morrison? These posts started appearing around the FBN debut, so there has to be a draw there. Maybe he's fallen in love with the cute flatscreens behind the I-man and Charles? It doesn't add up.

At any rate, my apologies for not tending to this sooner, and let me know if our robot friend keeps posting spam. And incidentally, if a robot ever moves into your neighborhood, don't ever let him terrorize the elderly.

Turkey Day

2009-11-24T22:44:00.013-06:00

Since we're approaching the holiday weekend, I thought it would be appropriate to show last night's Hannity interview of Imus and Charles. (Here are links to Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.) It's appropriate because of its excellent holiday content: Two near-relatives sitting around a table, screaming at each other about politics and their relationship, while the host, Hannity, sits in stunned silent horror.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Cablevision

2009-11-19T22:25:00.002-06:00

It's kind of a big deal.

Hmmm...

2009-11-17T22:42:00.001-06:00

This is interesting.

Aside From That, Mrs. Lincoln...

2009-11-09T23:02:00.006-06:00

This article contains one of the best opening paragraphs of all time (alllll time).

Pulling That Lever

2009-11-03T22:11:00.004-06:00

Thanks to everyone who voted on Tuesday. And if you haven't seen the big news out of New Jersey, I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot about it in the next few days...

Days Like This

2009-10-26T22:21:00.005-05:00

Not that you didn't know this, but Van Morrison is a pretty talented artist. To put it mildly.

And speaking of other great musicians: I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thought that all the Blind Boys of Alabama were visually impaired. Because, you know, you'd assume that, right?

A Classy Response

2009-10-22T22:28:00.006-05:00

Most of you have heard about the little mistake involving MSNBC and the Rev. Jesse Jackson. I don't know about you, but I personally enjoyed the Reverend's insightful response on Thursday's Imus program.

This Week...

2009-10-18T21:42:00.004-05:00

- Rob Bartlett will be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, RI this Saturday, October 24. Tickets are here and directions are here.

-Mike and the Mad Dog actually reunited, briefly, and held a reunion show last Friday. (You can download from this page; it's close to the top.) I know that about 75% of my readers were fans of that program, so I wanted to give all three of you a treat.

-Under the program schedule, the Fox Business website for Imus breathlessly announces, "This week Levon Helms." I love Levon Helms - I have all his albums!

Booyah

2009-10-15T00:35:00.009-05:00

So how important is this story about FBN beating CNBC, for the first time ever? So important that yesterday it was the Most-Read article on the New York Daily News website, even beating out "Celebrity Sexcapades: Caught on Tape," and "The Karate Kid: Where Are They Now?" When the I-Man is beating Ralph Macchio, you know he's doing something right.

1K

2009-10-11T22:07:00.002-05:00

That's the increase, in percentages, of FBN viewers since the show premiered October 5th. Pretty cool.

10/5, 6 AM EST

2009-10-05T00:00:00.000-05:00

You know where to go.

Still Life

2009-09-27T22:16:00.003-05:00

So I'm not sure if I should post these photos from the golf tournament. On the one hand, there are a lot of great pictures in the slideshow. On the other hand, the life-size mannequin will haunt my nightmares for weeks to come. So it's a tough call.

I will say, though, that some of the attendees had some interesting "interactions" with the mannequin, particularly on page 2...

Another Week, Another Post

2009-09-20T22:36:00.004-05:00

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Seven Angels Theatre in Waterbury, Connecticut, this Saturday, September 26. For more information, click here.

-"I have a new favorite radio station," my coworker announced to me the other day. "My boyfriend has Sirius satellite radio in his car, and he showed me his favorite channel. Have you ever heard of 'Outlaw Country'? "

"Oh yeah, I've heard of that!" I said. (For the record, this coworker doesn't listen to Imus.) "So what do you think of it?"

"Well..." She paused, as if trying to come up with the right word. "It's very...uh...rambunctious."

So there you have it. If you like rambunctious radio, try Outlaw Country!

(I've cut out all the parts of us singing her favorite song on the channel, which involves Willie Nelson and Brokeback Mountain. I'm sure you've heard of it.)

Golf

2009-09-16T00:00:00.001-05:00

As you've likely heard, the "golf outing" will be held today in Milford, CT. If you're attending, have fun.

Not A Good Sign

2009-09-08T21:55:00.003-05:00

As you've probably gathered, not everyone is pleased about Imus' move to FBN. In fact, some of his RFD costars are really, REALLY taking it badly.

Happy Labor Day

2009-09-07T00:00:00.000-05:00

If you have the day off, then enjoy grilling and lounging and participating in non-Laborious merriment. If you're trapped at work, then amuse yourself by listening to some Cardinal and Pig Feets and whatnot. Hey, everyone else is off today, so you won't have any business anyway!

Unless you have an important job, like air-traffic controller. Because that would be bad.

It's Official!

2009-09-03T16:25:00.001-05:00

Fox Business Announcement

Neigh

2009-08-31T00:48:00.003-05:00

As much as I like the equines, I pity the viewer who tries to watch the I-Man today and instead gets the new replacement show, "Horse & Country TV." Let us know if it's any good, those of you with RFD.

RIP, RFD

2009-08-26T23:30:00.003-05:00

It's official - the show will cease broadcasting on RFD-TV after this Friday.

Upcoming Events

2009-08-23T22:50:00.004-05:00

-Rob Bartlett will be performing at the Brokerage at Bellmore, NY this Saturday, August 29th, at 7:30 and 9 PM. Directions are here and more information is here.

- The 2nd Annual Imus Ranch Golf Outing will be held on Wednesday, September 16, at the Great River Golf Club in Milford, CT. "Fore" more information, click here.

Advanced Negotiations

2009-08-17T22:40:00.003-05:00

That's what this article claims.

Also, even though this piece contains nothing new or earth-shattering, I'm posting it because it comes from the UK. Although America has tried to school them for years, the British still have a very rudimentary, imperfect grasp on English. This means that they employ a ton of random bizarre witticisms, such as claiming that Alexis Glick was "poached" from her old job. Rule Brittania!

FBN

2009-08-13T00:21:00.002-05:00

Lots of interesting articles about this story. This one, as of now, is probably the most up-to-date and detailed. Here's another from the New York Daily News and yet another from New York Times. (There are many more, but it would take me forever to list them all.)

Thanks to everyone who sent in articles. Keep 'em coming!

Items of Note

2009-08-06T00:38:00.004-05:00

- Sean Hannity's going to do his "Imus Ranch Special" thing on his program tonight, so tune in, 9/8 central, etc. Should be fun.

- Also, here's a random nice article about the Ranch from the New York Times.

-And finally, just when you thought Neil Best had stopped being rumorlicious...

Odds and Ends

2009-08-04T23:38:00.005-05:00

- So there might be a cage match, or something, on Thursday's program.

- A speedy recovery to Sen. Chris Dodd, who was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week. Hopefully in no time he'll be popping habanero peppers and ragging on the I-Man for pulling the "cancer card."

-Congrats to frequent Imus guest "Bill Clinton" for successfully picking up two lovely ladies in Pyongyang. If this happened in America, it'd probably be just a regular night on the town for Bill; but he's likely the only Westerner in 50 years to do such a thing in North Korea, which makes it even more poignant. Incidentally, when you keep his spouse's job in mind, I guess you can say that Bubba made a deal even Satan couldn't make.

The Replacements

2009-07-29T23:31:00.004-05:00

Sooooo....after certain rumors in certain posts about certain sidekicks leaving, I thought I would pose a hypothetical question. If the rumors are true, and there is now an empty seat on the program...then who would you like to fill it? Why would you want them to fill it? Should it even be filled at all?

By the way, this could be anybody. I'm obviously implying famous (or semi-famous) comedians, but you can mention anyone that would add to the program. It could be someone who was last on the program during the Carter administration, yourself, your Uncle Dave who gets drunk at Christmas and tells obscene stories about your dad, etc. Just explain why this person is funny/charming/psychopathic enough to entertain you during your morning routine.

This Made Me Laugh

2009-07-26T22:40:00.008-05:00

From the “Headlines,” July 24 edition:

"Cambridge, Mass. Bomb squad responds to Central Square post office. Suspicious package emitting a 'humming' noise. Building evacuated as demolition team slowly, gingerly peeled back tape, cardboard. Inside – nose hair trimmer. Battery powered. Addressed to MIT staff member. Whether 'gift'… or 'hint'… not determined."

And, "Amy Winehouse set to become latest celebrity to launch her own perfume. Rehab singer, back in Britain after an extended stay in the Caribbean, is said to be hoping to land a deal worth more than $750,000 to offer a product that will 'reflect her style.' Dear god.. What, 'Essence of Porcelain Bus'..?"

Did these make you laugh? If so, yay. If not, post something else.

An Important Date

2009-07-23T00:00:00.001-05:00

Today, July 23, is the birthday of a very, very special person. Most of you first heard about this person after they embarrassed President Clinton in the mid-1990s; but some of you may have spotted their brilliance when they were young and struggling in California, virtually unknown to the rest of the world. Because of some rash acts in their past, many have judged this person unfavorably - and, some may argue, unfairly. But no matter what the detractors say, you simply cannot deny this person's impact on American humor, government, pop culture, and - yes - the national spirit.

With all that said...happy birthday, Monica Lewinsky!

Ms. Lewinsky turns 36 today. There are other celebrity birthdays today, too, but none of any real importance.

And That Was The Way It Was

2009-07-19T16:26:00.005-05:00

Yay, the show returns on Monday!

-Rob Bartlett will appear at the Paramount Theatre in Rutland, VT this Saturday, July 25. TIckets are here and more information is here.

-RIP Walter Cronkite. I fondly recall his appearance with Imus in the fall of 2006, shortly before Katie Couric started working at CBS. In the midst of their conversation, Imus casually asked for Mr. Cronkite's opinion of her taking his old job. Cronkite looked shocked. "WHAT?" he yelled. "They allow WOMEN on the NEWS?!" Meanwhile Charles, who sat to his right, nearly wet himself laughing.

No, seriously, he will be missed.

OBEY THE GIANT

2009-07-12T23:55:00.012-05:00

So if you ran into wrestler Andre the Giant, you'd probably be a little intimidated by him, right? I mean, the dude was seven feet four. How would you react - or, rather, how would he react - if you stood next to him and tried to strike up a conversation?

Well, if you go to the 3:35 mark in this video, you'll see what happens after such an occurrence. And, wouldn't you know, it happened to someone whose work you're very familiar with. The results, as they say, speak for themselves.

A Cautionary Tale

2009-07-03T13:02:00.005-05:00

Have you ever wondered what happened to those blacklisted guests from the Imus program, since we never hear from them again? I decided to do some searching, and let me tell you - the results aren't pretty.

Exhibit A: Vice President Joe Biden. At one point he was a regular on the program, but eventually he earned a spot on the Weasel List. Recently, a reporter followed the Vice President around for a day in order to profile his everyday life. The results, as they say, were shocking.

Apparently, in a sad attempt to fill the Imus void in his life, Biden now spends his mornings by washing his aging car in the driveway, listening to the I-Man on the car radio, and softly sobbing to himself, reliving the memories, as he plucks out the Burger King wrappers from under the dashboard.

Gaze upon the photos from this sobering article, and melt with ruth:

Bylines

2009-06-21T22:46:00.003-05:00

This article definitely has a unique one.

Bizarre Headline of the Day

2009-06-07T19:39:00.005-05:00

Mayor Nagin Quarantined in China After Possible Swine Flu Exposure

Taking (Very Important) Steps

2009-06-02T21:01:00.003-05:00

A special note: Rob's son Devin has suffered from ulcerative colitis for the past five years, and has since undergone seven surgeries and procedures to treat the condition. The good news is that he is finally on the road to recovery. He's a brave kid, obviously, and this Saturday he's participating in Long Island's Taking Steps for Crohn's & Colitis Walk. If you'd like to read more about his team, and if you want to participate, then click here.

The Cardinal Returned! (Again)

2009-05-30T15:11:00.005-05:00

As all of you know, the Cardinal returned this week, marking his first appearance since unemployment. Y'all know I loves me some Cardinal, and I hope that this time he says here for good. He's had more farewell tours than Celine Dion, bejeez.

Cardinal Egan, 5/27/09

You're Wrong and You're Ugly

2009-05-22T09:25:00.003-05:00

I don't think that...but others do.

Do You Need Your Carpets Cleaned?

2009-05-18T00:26:00.003-05:00

Because, if you watch this video at the 2:10 mark and at the 6:20 mark, you'll find someone who can do just that. You might even recognize him.

Also, it's his birthday today. :-)

The News Trucks Are ALREADY Outside WABC...

2009-05-16T11:42:00.014-05:00

A shocking news item: "Iman Calls a Black Woman Ugly."

Why, Iman? Why?

Hand-Washing

2009-05-10T10:00:00.001-05:00

It is very important.

(Also - the Radiothon ends this Monday, May 11. Donations are encouranged, even if you are merely among the "lesser nobility".)

Radiothon!

2009-05-07T11:07:00.008-05:00

To donate online, click here.

To view the auction items, click here.

To read more about the charities involved, click here.

(Special Note: I apologize for the Radiothon information being late. The power in my apartment went out last night, thanks to the staggering influence of 5 raindrops and one thunderclap. Also because my building's electrical system was, apparently, installed by Druids. So, sorry 'bout that.

In reality, I know that none of you were going to get the donation information directly from this website, and instead were going to head to WABC or imus.com; however; I feel like I should call the power company and harangue them for impeding the donation of money to the little sick children. Or, at the very least, I should keep in the spirit of the “Greening” stuff and complain about how I had to throw out all the healthy food from my fridge; and that the horrible processed slab from the vending machine that I ate for breakfast will most certainly give me mercury poisoning and/or cancer. ;)

Swine Flu, Part 2

2009-05-03T23:22:00.004-05:00

After listening to the program last week, I caught on to some extremely subtle hints that suggested, ever so slightly, that certain cast members are afraid of the swine flu. (I'm just a perceptive listener, that's all.) If you also happen to fall into this category, I highly suggest that you visit my favorite new website, which is medical in origin and answers that important question: Do I have swine flu?

Swine Flu

2009-04-27T23:13:00.003-05:00

For many, it is distressing.

Writer's Block

2009-04-21T21:17:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I've been rocking that for the past few days, and I apologize. So in lieu of me actually being creative, here's another, better idea for a post: List your favorite recent lines from the program. By "recent," I mean from the past week or so.

There are many, but for some reason this one in particular made me laugh: "Charles knows absolutely nothing about technology. If you gave him an Ipod, he'd try to eat it."

Movin' Out

2009-04-12T05:15:00.001-05:00

This Thursday, April 16, "Imus at Night" will be held at Mohegan Sun with a majority of the cast performing. It should be awesome. Tickets are sold out...so, then, why am I advertising this? If you bought the tickets, you're going, and if you didn't, you can't. Huh, my bad. Whoops. I guess I just wasted fifteen seconds of your life by reading this. (Or twenty, if you're a slower reader.) (Or twenty-five, if you made it this far.) (I could go all day.)

-“An Evening With Rob Bartlett” will be playing at the Tarrytown Music Hall in Tarrytown , NY, next Saturday April 25. Tickets are here and directions are here.

-This Monday, April 13, the program will move from Rainbow Studios into the regular WABC studios. I'm not sure why RFD is having trouble paying the rent, but I assume it was because these were not selling as well as they'd hoped.

-Happy Easter!

4/4

2009-04-04T17:38:00.005-05:00

So today's the anniversary of "the unpleasantness." (Actually, that's inaccurate; the real "unpleasantness" didn't come until the following week.) But hey, why spend our Saturday whining about stuff that happened two years ago? It's a beautiful spring day; the weather is warming up; the Final Four's on tonight; things are good. (We'll save our whining for next week, when it's Hump Day and it's raining.)

So instead of complaining, today I'll show you something awesome. Go to here and here and click on the "Flash video" button. You'll thank me later. :)

(Also: on the first video you may have to fast forward for about an hour or so, because the sound is messed up at the beginning. It makes everyone sound like they've been possessed by demons. Well, maybe by more demons than usual.)

Reading is Fun

2009-03-27T22:13:00.010-05:00

One of the advantages of the Imus premium service is that you can listen to the show without commercials. And one of the downsides? Listening to the show without commercials.

And by "commercials," I mean those epic PSAs that tell us how to live our lives. One disturbing trend I'd noticed while listening to the stream was that, on average, 90% of the PSAs could be divided into the following categories:

1)Your kids are off doing horrible, antisocial things - doing drugs, cheating in school, singing off-key ditties about their chronic asthma problem - all at the same time. Since you’ve never talked to your kids about these issues, you are a despicable parent who should never have been allowed to procreate.

2) There are millions of foster children who desperately want you to adopt them.

In recent times they've been playing "Joys of Reading" PSAs, sponsored by some National Literacy Organization. (So along with being a deadbeat parent, you also can't read no good.) An announcer would read a passage from a "nature adventure" book, and then they'd announce, like a radio DJ at the end of a song, "That was (title), written by (author). To read more, go to our website."

The reason I'm mentioning these commercials is that they brought back a very special memory, one that will resonate with those of you around my age. The other day, the literacy group advertised the book "Hatchet."

Hatchet was this book about a kid who survives a plane crash and has to fend for himself in the wilderness. This was one of those children's "nature appreciation" books that tried to get kids to put down the Nintendo and enjoy the environment. The problem was, nearly all of these books embraced the wilderness by having the characters stranded in the woods, starving to death, being badly hurt, and doing everything they could to get OUT of the wilderness.

I have never understood why the authors used this tactic. If I wanted kids to appreciate nature, I think I'd write about a book about how nature is, you know, fun. Now, we all know that the wild is filled with horrifying things - snakes, carnivores, Southern men politely requesting you to squeal like a pig - but geez, it isn't all terrible. Write about the fun parts, like canoeing and hiking and going on adventures. Don't write about urine-drinking or cousin-eating or crawling out of the plane wreckage, injured and covered in jet fuel, as the pilot slowly burns alive in the inferno. And you wonder why kids don't play outside anymore.

Anyway, at the time I was the only ten-year-old on the North American continent who had never read the book. EVERYONE read this novel; it was the village bicycle of book reports. I don't know why I never looked into it. I guess I grew tired of hearing fifty presentations, all in a row, about how a kid has to eat turtle eggs for 150 pages. And plus, I knew without reading it that the boy would get rescued in the end. The great thing about books for that age was that 95% of them had a happy ending; you knew that the author wouldn't give you the finger and have the kid get eaten by wolverines.

Even better, the book was so successful that the author wrote four sequels about the boy getting stranded in the forest. It was the Police Academy of young adult fiction. Honestly, some people just need to stay away from airplanes.

But even though I successfully avoided reading Hatchet as a child, it appears that as an adult I still haven’t escaped it entirely; they now advertise it in, of all places, my favorite radio program. I have come full circle.

So thank you, Imus in the Morning, for bringing back those memories. And if that National Council really want to boost literacy, then I suggest that they ditch the fourth-grade nature novels and have Charles read aloud from Portnoy’s Complaint or 120 Days of Sodom. Now THAT would get people reading.

Commercials!

2009-03-23T23:48:00.003-05:00

Which do you prefer -this one or this one?

George Weber, RIP

2009-03-22T17:28:00.003-05:00

Mr. Weber, formerly a morning news anchor at WABC, was found murdered in his apartment over the weekend. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends.

On A Lighter Note

2009-03-18T18:12:00.000-05:00

This photograph made me laugh.

Cancer

2009-03-16T11:37:00.001-05:00

There are a thousand articles about this already; but the only one of importance is the statement from this morning's program.

Get well soon, I-Man...and guys, if you haven't been tested, please do so.

Happy St. Patrick's Day (Eve)

2009-03-15T23:58:00.003-05:00

- You might want to be at the Wilbur Theatre on St. Patrick's Day morn.

- Unfortunately, Sid Rosenberg is out in Miami.

-You know what's sad about this article? It's about something that's extremely dumb and inconsequential; and yet I found it more interesting than, say, anything remotely connected to Rihanna or Chris Brown.

-Last Tuesday morning, when I was trapped at home whilst waiting for the maintenance guys, I happened to flip on the television and somehow left it on the Today Show. I watched it long enough to see Al Roker introduce a segment by smiling and saying, "Let's go to the videotape!" Blasphemy!

But I'm actually glad that I watched it that morning, because I witnessed the following exchange between Mr. Roker, Matt Lauer, and a young perky anchor who's maybe three years older than me:

Matt: Next week, the Today Show will be broadcasting live from Ireland to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.

Young Anchor: Oooh! Ireland! You guys should wear kilts!

Awesome.

Inside Imus

2009-03-08T15:45:00.005-05:00

No, that's not the name of some horrific medical file. It's actually the program's new listener subscription service, and it sounds pretty sweet. Check it out.

All The News That's Fit To Print

2009-03-05T17:47:00.004-06:00

So I just checked wabcradio.com. According to their website, the most important news headline of the day was: "Dead Sea Scrolls Scholar's Son Arrested In New York." New York - the city that never sleeps! According to the article, they arrested him while he was, quote, "selling sea scrolls by the seashore."

Even better, the next headline showed a photo of a gay couple from Utah protesting Proposition 8. The problem? The headline read, "Dad Pleads Guilty In 4 Kids' Deaths, Wants To Die."

I think Charles needs to give the smackdown to some of his fellow reporters...