Sunday, December 19, 2010

It's Not You...It's Me

No, really, it is. You're not the reason I haven't been calling or visiting lately. I've had other obligations, other people in town. It's been busy.

Would this make you feel better? How about this? Don't feel bad, 'cause I still like you, and we got a good thing goin' on.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Rent

It is too damn high.

(Happy Erection Day, you guys. Be sure to vote!)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

You Can't Be A Beacon if Your Light Don't Shine

-Rob Bartlett and Tony Powell will be starring in "Motherbrothers" at the 7 Angels Theatre in Waterbury, Connecticut this Saturday, October 30th at 8 PM. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-The second installment of the Imus Ranch Record is out. My subject line is a title from one of the tracks on the album, because, hey, it's true.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Appropriate Musical Choices

So a few days ago I was killing time and watching some of "Imus Extras" clips on Youtube. These are the "Best of" videos posted by FBN which run about a minute long.

Now, if you've ever watched videos on Youtube, then you know about the website's "Suggestions" column to the right. This is where Youtube suggests videos that are similar to the current one, or videos that other people watched immediately after watching yours.

As I scrolled down the list, passing through a bunch of Imus clips, I stumbled upon two Youtube Suggestions which clearly embody the spirit of the program:.


So, apparently people who watch Imus clips on Youtube immediately watch these songs next.

Confession time: Which one of you is the Spice Girls fan?

Monday, September 27, 2010

A Night at the Opera

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Lebanon Opera House in Lebanon, NH this Saturday, October 2nd. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-So apparently this epic boxing match is on Youtube. (Thanks, Lenny.)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Fore!

The 3rd Annual Imus Ranch Golf Outing will be held this Wednesday, September 22nd in Milford, CT. It should be a lot of fun.


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Sunday Morning, Brings The Dawn In

Yesterday, the New York Times profiled Warner Wolf's average Sunday. I will admit that "reading, watching, and sleeping sports" sounds like a pretty good way to spend it.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Issues in the Workplace

-Rob Bartlett will be at Uncle Vinnie's Comedy Club in Point Pleasant Beach, NJ this this Friday, August 21. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-So, as the subject line said, I have a certain issue in the workplace. One of my coworkers is dating Pig Feets.

No, really. He hails from the Mississippi Delta, he’s a white boy (well, he’s 40, so he's not really a “boy”); and most importantly, he tohks jus like he frum da ribbah. He’s super nice and everything, but GUYS. He’s Pigs Feet.

The best was when we all went to a restaurant the other day, and he went on a long extended monologue about True Blood, which is a show about vampires. Picture Feets talking about fictional vampire love relationships for fifteen minutes in a Japanese restaurant, and you will truly know what it is like to live my life.

Of course, I’m not mentioning this to anyone. They’re happy, and my coworker is far too sweet to know that her boyfriend was previously dating a chicken.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Wow. Just...Wow.

As we quietly read our lunch menus, I couldn't help but listen to the people in the booth behind me. They were a couple, a man and a woman, and they were holding a lively conversation.

The woman was talking about a person - I have no idea who - but her caustic tone showed that she wasn't a fan of him. And the man felt the same way.

Because when she finished her story the man slapped the table and cried, "Get OFF my PHONE! Are you SERIOUS?"

* * *

So, question. Do people actually use this phrase? Is it popular with The Kids Today, or something? Because I had no idea.

Now it's your turn. Have you ever had a weird situation like this? Random people on the sidewalk or in the Chinese restaurant singing "Astral Weeks" or quoting Alger Hiss? Share your stories.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Monday, July 12, 2010

Christmas in July

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Comedy Connection in Rhode Island this Friday, July 17th. Tickets and more information are here.

-You know, I've never been a fan of "Christmas in July." I love Christmas carols and other "tis the season" things, but I believe that that stuff should be celebrated around, you know, the actual holiday. That said, some Christmas stories can be enjoyed year-round.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Possum Trot, Alabama, You're On The Air

Alas, Larry King is retiring from his program on CNN. Like many of you, I will miss his morning doses of wisdom.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Who Ya Gonna Call?

-Here's a feel-good, inspirational news story for your Monday. Quite frankly, the headline says it all: "Medicine man of Imus wards off evil spells and helps solve crimes." The article also notes that this man moonlights as a "witch-buster." It's things like this that help me sleep soundly at night.

-The Third Annual Imus Golf Outing will be held on September 22, 2010 in Milford, Connecticut.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Empire Radio

Today's topic? New York Governors!

-First, there's this article, which claims that Eliot Spitzer almost got a radio contract...with WABC. Which would have been fun.

-Several days ago the New York Times ran an interesting article about Gov. Paterson and his affinity for calling in to various radio shows in the NYC area. In fact, the photo accompanying the article showed a very detailed, candid shot of the back of the I-man's head. Not gonna lie, if I were the Governor of New York, I too would totally mess with people and call in to my favorite radio shows as "CG from Albany."

Friday, May 28, 2010

I'm Never Gonna Dance Again - Guilty Feet Have Got No Rhythm

A writer for the Washington Post compiled a list of the Top Sports Anchors in DC since 1970...and, no surprise, Warner Wolf made #1.

When I first read this, I thought, "Wow! That's an honor!" Then I read further...and discovered that the #2 sports anchor in DC was a man by the name of "George Michael."

So, Warner either just beat the kid from Arrested Development, or he beat one half of the duo behind "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." Even if you're a fan of the Bluth family, and even if you secretly know the lyrics to "Father Figure" by heart (Sample: "I will be your preacher-teacher, anything you have in mind")....you have to admit that neither of these guys probably know a lot about sports. While Warner is awesome, this really isn't that big of an achievement.

Note to DC: Get better sports anchors!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Lost in Translation

-Larry Gatlin will host the program in the third week of June, during the show's vacation.

-This article came up in Google News, so of course it's accurate. Apparently, in a town called "Imus," the "DILG calls on LGUs to observe 'Araw ng Pambansang Watawat' on May 28." As well they should.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

It's (Almost) Summertime!

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Seven Angels Theatre in Waterbury, CT this Saturday, May 22. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-This is a little old, but it made me laugh out loud.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Radiothon #21

Yup, it's that time of year again. Click here for more information.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Cause and Effect

Well, this happened, which naturally caused this to happen.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Ramblin' On

If you enjoy things like "music" and "pleasant sounds," then you probably love the Band and Levon Helm. Their music, as you're well aware, has been prominently featured on the Imus program for many years.

So here's my question: What are your five favorite songs by Levon and/or the Band? Cover songs can count as well.

Also, Levon might be coming to a town near you. You never know!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Yay For Articles

This one is pretty good.

EDIT: OK, for some reason it's not letting me link to that article, so here's a summary of it via mediabistro. So I guess the title of this post should be "Yay For Article Summaries," or something.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Things & Stuff

-Imus at Night will be this Thursday, April 8th, at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut.

-Rob Bartlett will perform at the Mayo Center for the Performing Arts in Morristown, NJ this Saturday, April 10th; More information can be found here. He'll also be at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York next Saturday, April 17th; click here for more info.

Friday, April 2, 2010

The Youtubes

This one's pretty simple. What are your favorite Imus clips on Youtube? Which ones do you like to watch when you need a laugh, want to procrastinate, or do something else?

(And yes, if it's a video clip from a different site, like the FoxBiz one, then you can post that too.)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

A New Beginning


This blog changes today. Instead of focusing on a radio show, it will henceforth discuss the life and career of the 30th President of the United States, Calvin Coolidge. (See my new screenname for confirmation.)

In the comments, discuss your favorite memories and moments of the Coolidge Administration.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Imus at Night

It'll be on Thursday, April 8th; click here for tickets and more info.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Favorite Moments

All right, here's a question that I've never asked before. What are your favorite moments from the program?

It could be anything. Maybe something famous (or not-so-famous) from the past, or maybe something that you hear every day. Whatever you'd like to mention.

And if you can't think of anything off the top of your head - because, hey, we are talking 35+ years of material here - then just list something that made you laugh. Like, "Hey remember that one time when that guy messed up? And everybody laughed at him? Well, that was hott."

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Kiss Me, I'm Imus

Well actually, I'm not, but that's what's happening on March 17th at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square.

Have fun if you go, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The Lost Boys

-I think my new favorite catchphrase is “He’s one taco short of a Happy Meal.”

-I know a lot of people like the “5 Songs of the Week” thing, and this week happened to have a pretty good selection: it was “Doo-Wop Week,” and featured five songs of that genre.

This is 100% coincidence, I’m sure, but two of those songs - The Silhouettes' "Get a Job" and the Del-Vikings' "Come Go With Me" - are featured on one of my favorite soundtracks of all time. It's also the soundtrack to one of the more traumatizing movies I’ve ever seen: Stand By Me.

Why traumatizing? Because of my expectations. Since this is a movie about four young boys on an adventurous journey, I went into this film thinking it would be a fun “childhood adventure movie.” And it is: It’s about sad, jaded adults looking back to that glorious, carefree, innocent childhood of the 50s – back when your abusive family of drunks and killers made you an outcast in small-town America. Or when your superstar quarterback brother was the only family member who ever loved you, but now he’s DEAD, and your parents mourn their far-superior offspring by wishing that you were the one in the coffin. Or when your adored, PTSD-riddled father tries to kill you by holding your face to the hot stove, burns off your ear, and is promptly shipped to the insane asylum. Or when your "friends" all hated you because you were fat, or something, and they barely tolerated your much-loathed presence. Oh, and in the climax they all find a dead kid in the swamp, and everybody screams and cries and freaks out. Crank up the Buddy Holly!

I never quite got the message of this movie. So childhood is much better than being an adult…but…childhood sucked too? I guess? So life is horrible either way? Eraserhead was more uplifting than this film.

The one saving grace of this movie is the villain, who's played by a teenaged Kiefer Sutherland. At that period in his life, Kiefer was, officially, the blondest person in the United States. Seriously. Lots of people have blond hair; Kiefer’s hair was yellow. This slightly unsettling picture barely does it justice, but he looked like he’d gone apple-bobbing in the Crayola “Yellow” vat. Or head-butted a freshly painted school bus. Every time he appeared onscreen I just stared slackjawed, saying, “Wow! His HAIR!” while he ran around stabbing some orphans. It caused a terrific distraction from the tortured kids and dead people and general despair, so, thank you, Mr. Sutherland. It should also be noted that a few years later he again used his versatile, gorgeous locks in a different field, specifically: Vampiric Mullets.

But this is not a blog about vampire mullets; this is a blog about the Imus program. And so the next point will actually be related to the show, and it's about

-Videos. I know that a lot of you like to watch clips of the program online, and if you go to the Video Site, and select "Imus in the Morning" or "Imus Extras" from the menu, then you'll find a lot of fun stuff that usually doesn't make it to Youtube. The only downside is that John McEnroe screams at you a lot between video clips. But that is the price you have to pay for Pig Feets.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I Don't Care if I Never Get Back

-Rob Bartlett will be performing at the Music Hall in Portsmouth, NH this Saturday, March 13. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-He'll also be at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York City next Saturday, March 20. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-The MLB Network will be airing spring training updates on the Imus program. Expect many "fair pole" discussions in the weeks to come.

-Thanks to the reader who posted the news of Craig Crawford resigning from MSNBC. Here's the crazy thing about this story: I would've found it mildly interesting had he just stated the standard, "I had a great time there, I'll miss everybody, it's time to move on and spend time with my family," etc. But no. In the comments of that link above, Mr. Crawford tears into the MSNBC personalities (particularly Chris Matthews) and talks about how much he hated his job. Dude is MAD. And it surprises me, coming from sweet Craig Crawford, too.

So here's hoping he'll be on the Imus program bright and early this week. Now, if we could only get Jack Jacobs...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Walter Winchell of Whoopass

-Alas, Kinky Friedman lost the Democratic nomination for agriculture commissioner on Tuesday.

-Speaking of elections, are there any New York politicians out there who aren't having issues right now? Particularly (but not limited to) the ones on the Imus program? It's a fascinating soap opera to watch, though maybe not so much if you live there.

-Finally, you'd better watch Thursday's show if you know what's good for you, brotherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Come Fly With Us

-A rapper claims that he and Mitt Romney got into a fight on an airplane. Wait, what?

-Speaking of planes, apparently an airline called "CitationAir" is a new sponsor for the program. I particularly like their name, which suggests that their airline caters to people obsessed with MLA format and nitpicky punctuation. Sign me up!

-As you've probably heard, business reporter Charles Gasparino left CNBC for Fox Business last week, and he's also appearing on Monday's program. Judging by the thousands of frenzied articles about his departure, this is a good move for him. Congrats to Mr. Gasparino.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope you have a lovely day that's completely devoid of any marital discord.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Gov. Paterson

There are about 8000 articles about his appearance on the program this morning; here is one of them.

Friday, February 5, 2010

What Are Your Five Favorite Songs?

I thought that this would be a fun topic. If you could play five of your favorite songs on the radio, which ones would you pick? Which songs do you hold dearest to your heart?

I've listed mine below.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Keeping Up Appearances

Rob Bartlett will be at tbe Gotham Comedy Club this Saturday, February 6th, at 8 PM. Tickets and more information can be found here.

Rob Bartlett and Tony Powell will be at the The Lane Theater in Staten Island on Saturday, February 13th, at 8 PM. Tickets and more information can be found here.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

9:20

The Imus program has extended to 9:20 AM, ending shortly before Stuart Varney's program. This is, of course, on he television side and is intended for Fox Business viewers. If you listen to the radio instead, well, things are pretty much the same and you'll probably never get back those thirty seconds that you spent reading this. My apologies.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Royalty

It was recently announced that Saudi Prince al-Waleed bin Talal has talked to Rupert Murdoch about investing in Murdoch's news conglomerate. Personally, I welcome his involvement. Why, you ask? Take a look at a picture of the Prince, when he was in Bulgaria getting some award, and you'll see why:

If he buys Fox News, the channel will be nothing but old-couple bickering and people yelling at their best friends. And seriously, how awesome is that? The obvious downside, of course, is that I can't see a Saudi prince tolerating any "Jewish marriages."

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

That's So 2007

There's a lot of stuff in the news right now that smacks of that fateful year. There's also a lot of stuff that does not smack it, but rather strokes it gently. Such as:

- The Leno-Conan mess at NBC. I know you're all familiar with the situation, and you've likely heard that Conan has announced his resignation. This means that NBC will soon be naming his inevitable, long-awaited replacement: Lane Kiffin.

No, seriously, they'll name Leno and put an end to the long national nightmare that was completely their own doing. Has NBC learned from anything at all, in the past three years or so, about "crisis management" and "planning ahead"? At least the Imus situation came from nowhere; but they had five years to prepare for the Tonight Show handover. It even goes beyond April 2007 incompetencies, if such a thing is possible.

But anyway, best of luck to Conan. I always loved watching him in high school and I'm sure his second act is right down the road. And hey, he wouldn't be the first person to leave NBC for greater success at Fox.

- So, what's this deal with Harold Ford Jr. running for the New York Senate seat? Even though he's from, like, Tennessee? Can someone explain this to me?

- Also 2007: Racial gaffes! Harry Reid has been the talk of the town, probably much to the relief of Rod Blagojevich. This is too bad, because Blago's comment - that he was "blacker" than the President - was pretty bizarre/hilarious, even for him. What made me laugh even harder was his statement afterwards: "I deeply apologize for the way that was said and having said it. Obviously, I am not blacker than President Obama."

Thursday, January 7, 2010

C-SPAN

You can't watch healthcare coverage there...but hey, at least you can watch this!

(Muchos gracias, Fake Cardinal.)

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Cabinet of Mysteries

Every woman possesses a deep, dark secret within the confines of her own home: The makeup drawer. If you are a woman, or if you've ever lived with one, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. This is the drawer, usually in the bathroom, where the woman throws anything vaguely cosmetics-related. You never know what you'll find in there. Holiday Inn shampoos dating back to the Reagan administration. Lipstick with shades like "Puce Rutabaga" that the owner wouldn't wear to a leprosy ward. Glittery, radioactive-shaded nail polish for kids, stored in vials that are old enough to drive, drink, or vote.

When I opened mine a few days ago, searching for something, I found an item in the very back that's similar to those above. The only difference? It was much, much more sinister.



(Actually it was lip gloss, but that picture from the beauty website is more prettier and stuff.)

I have absolutely no idea how this got there, or from whence it came; all I know is that I'm truly frightened that A) this exists, and B) it somehow ended up in my house. Honestly, the Imus Ranch should probably just stick to coffee.