So the other night I was watching Sportscenter (Motto: "We'll Tell You The Scores, But Not After Bragging That Our 70s Pop Culture Knowledge Is Vastly Superior To Yours.") It cut to commercial - and then, out of nowhere, I saw an ESPN ad with Mike Breen and Shaq. It was a very cute piece. Then I saw another.
It turns out that there are a ton of commercials featuring the two, and in each one they're engaging in a variety of activities: playing Twenty Questions together, riding in a team bus together, performing anti-Kobe raps in nightclubs together, etc.
I decided to look them up on Youtube. But after I typed the query into the search engine, I made an incredible discovery. It turns out that, in the 80s, there was a mulleted Canadian singer with a string of hits on the Canadian pop charts. His name? "Michael Breen."
Here is the video to his power ballad "How Will I Know," which is tragically NOT a Whitney Houston cover. The video is over twenty years old and comes from a very worn recording, so its ambiance is something between "hostage tape" and "last-known footage."
Here's the synopsis: It's very dark. The band is alone in the Canadian wilderness. (Perhaps their hunting guide was eaten by wolves.) Fortunately they have a generator, which powers their guitars and electric keyboard. Also, a band member has an extremely tiny piano. This is not explained. One guy on the film crew has a brand-new leaf blower. He will not turn it off, not even during inappropriate moments.
Meanwhile, the singers are full of angst. We don't know why. Perhaps it's over a girl, or perhaps they had just heard of the hiring freeze at Mr. Mister. Whatver the reason, they are hand-wringing like nobody's business.
Now, there is nothing wrong with a bunch of guys making videos in their backyard. It's a lot of fun, actually. And it's all in good fun...until they start using MARIONETTES. Yes, marionettes. And these puppets COME ALIVE. And they are not cute puppets, either. Scary ones. Think Lady Elaine Fairchild on drums.
So that's the video. Also, if you want to see the commercials with Breen and Shaq (oh, right...that WAS the point of this, wasn't it), then you can watch them here and here.