Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all of you who stop by here on a regular basis - and even for those of you who don't. I hope that you have a wonderful day filled with joy, laughter, and people that you love.

(But if it doesn't work out that're not alone!)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Yeah, so, um...things aren't good?

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Happy Hollitations

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Boulton Center in Bayshore, NY, this Saturday, December 19th; more information can be found here. He'll also be at the Seven Angels Theatre in Waterbury, CT this Saturday, December 20th; more information can be found here.

-Since we're right in the middle of the holiday season, I think it's highly appropriate to show this Christmas clip from The Daily Show, which prominently features Bo Dietl. If you ever feel overwhelmed or disconnected from the real "reason for the season,"then I strongly urge you to watch Bo's explanation of "the true meaning of Christmas" at the end of the video. If that does not bring you to tears, then I frankly don't know what would.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Rage Against The Machine

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Gotham Comedy Club in Manhattan this Saturday, December 5th. Tickets and more information can be found here.

-So in the past few weeks or so, a lot of you have probably noticed an "interesting" visitor on this site. He only speaks Japanese; he likes to chat (a lot);and he likes to sell potentially shady merchandise. In short, he's a spambot.

Well, I hate that it's come to this, but I've officially decided to install a No-Robot Policy here at this blog. I set up those little text box-thingys where you have to type in a gibberish word in order to comment; this ensures that only humans can post. Yes, I hate to discriminate against someone based on their ethnic origins (50% steel, 50% silicon). And yes, it pains me deeply to shun a lonely soul who just wants to talk to someone, anyone, about his massive piles of software, gadgets, and Viagra. But no one ever said that life was easy.

Yet there are so many unanswered questions about our visitor. What does a Japanese robot see in the Imus program? Why is he obsessed with Van Morrison? These posts started appearing around the FBN debut, so there has to be a draw there. Maybe he's fallen in love with the cute flatscreens behind the I-man and Charles? It doesn't add up.

At any rate, my apologies for not tending to this sooner, and let me know if our robot friend keeps posting spam. And incidentally, if a robot ever moves into your neighborhood, don't ever let him terrorize the elderly.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Turkey Day

Since we're approaching the holiday weekend, I thought it would be appropriate to show last night's Hannity interview of Imus and Charles. (Here are links to Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.) It's appropriate because of its excellent holiday content: Two near-relatives sitting around a table, screaming at each other about politics and their relationship, while the host, Hannity, sits in stunned silent horror.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


This is interesting.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Aside From That, Mrs. Lincoln...

This article contains one of the best opening paragraphs of all time (alllll time).

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Pulling That Lever

Thanks to everyone who voted on Tuesday. And if you haven't seen the big news out of New Jersey, I'm sure you'll be hearing a lot about it in the next few days...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Days Like This

Not that you didn't know this, but Van Morrison is a pretty talented artist. To put it mildly.

And speaking of other great musicians: I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thought that all the Blind Boys of Alabama were visually impaired. Because, you know, you'd assume that, right?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Classy Response

Most of you have heard about the little mistake involving MSNBC and the Rev. Jesse Jackson. I don't know about you, but I personally enjoyed the Reverend's insightful response on Thursday's Imus program.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

This Week...

- Rob Bartlett will be at the Comedy Connection in Providence, RI this Saturday, October 24. Tickets are here and directions are here.

-Mike and the Mad Dog actually reunited, briefly, and held a reunion show last Friday. (You can download from this page; it's close to the top.) I know that about 75% of my readers were fans of that program, so I wanted to give all three of you a treat.

-Under the program schedule, the Fox Business website for Imus breathlessly announces, "This week Levon Helms." I love Levon Helms - I have all his albums!

Thursday, October 15, 2009


So how important is this story about FBN beating CNBC, for the first time ever? So important that yesterday it was the Most-Read article on the New York Daily News website, even beating out "Celebrity Sexcapades: Caught on Tape," and "The Karate Kid: Where Are They Now?" When the I-Man is beating Ralph Macchio, you know he's doing something right.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


That's the increase, in percentages, of FBN viewers since the show premiered October 5th. Pretty cool.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Still Life

So I'm not sure if I should post these photos from the golf tournament. On the one hand, there are a lot of great pictures in the slideshow. On the other hand, the life-size mannequin will haunt my nightmares for weeks to come. So it's a tough call.

I will say, though, that some of the attendees had some interesting "interactions" with the mannequin, particularly on page 2...

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Another Week, Another Post

-Rob Bartlett will be at the Seven Angels Theatre in Waterbury, Connecticut, this Saturday, September 26. For more information, click here.

-"I have a new favorite radio station," my coworker announced to me the other day. "My boyfriend has Sirius satellite radio in his car, and he showed me his favorite channel. Have you ever heard of 'Outlaw Country'? "

"Oh yeah, I've heard of that!" I said. (For the record, this coworker doesn't listen to Imus.) "So what do you think of it?"

"Well..." She paused, as if trying to come up with the right word. "It's very...uh...rambunctious."

So there you have it. If you like rambunctious radio, try Outlaw Country!

(I've cut out all the parts of us singing her favorite song on the channel, which involves Willie Nelson and Brokeback Mountain. I'm sure you've heard of it.)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


As you've likely heard, the "golf outing" will be held today in Milford, CT. If you're attending, have fun.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Not A Good Sign

As you've probably gathered, not everyone is pleased about Imus' move to FBN. In fact, some of his RFD costars are really, REALLY taking it badly.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Happy Labor Day

If you have the day off, then enjoy grilling and lounging and participating in non-Laborious merriment. If you're trapped at work, then amuse yourself by listening to some Cardinal and Pig Feets and whatnot. Hey, everyone else is off today, so you won't have any business anyway!

Unless you have an important job, like air-traffic controller. Because that would be bad.

Monday, August 31, 2009


As much as I like the equines, I pity the viewer who tries to watch the I-Man today and instead gets the new replacement show, "Horse & Country TV." Let us know if it's any good, those of you with RFD.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


It's official - the show will cease broadcasting on RFD-TV after this Friday.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Upcoming Events

-Rob Bartlett will be performing at the Brokerage at Bellmore, NY this Saturday, August 29th, at 7:30 and 9 PM. Directions are here and more information is here.

- The 2nd Annual Imus Ranch Golf Outing will be held on Wednesday, September 16, at the Great River Golf Club in Milford, CT. "Fore" more information, click here.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Advanced Negotiations

That's what this article claims.

Also, even though this piece  contains nothing new or earth-shattering, I'm posting it because it comes from the UK. Although America has tried to school them for years, the British still have a very rudimentary, imperfect grasp on English. This means that they employ a ton of random bizarre witticisms, such as claiming that Alexis Glick was "poached" from her old job. Rule Brittania!

Thursday, August 13, 2009


Lots of interesting articles about this story. This one, as of now, is probably the most up-to-date and detailed. Here's another from the New York Daily News and yet another from New York Times. (There are many more, but it would take me forever to list them all.)

Thanks to everyone who sent in articles. Keep 'em coming!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Items of Note

- Sean Hannity's going to do his "Imus Ranch Special" thing on his program tonight, so tune in, 9/8 central, etc. Should be fun.

- Also, here's a random nice article about the Ranch from the New York Times. 

-And finally, just when you thought Neil Best had stopped being rumorlicious...

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Odds and Ends

- So there might be a cage match, or something, on Thursday's program.

- A speedy recovery to Sen. Chris Dodd, who was diagnosed with prostate cancer last week. Hopefully in no time he'll be popping habanero peppers and ragging on the I-Man for pulling the "cancer card."

-Congrats to frequent Imus guest "Bill Clinton" for successfully picking up two lovely ladies in Pyongyang. If this happened in America, it'd probably be just a regular night on the town for Bill; but he's likely the only Westerner in 50 years to do such a thing in North Korea, which makes it even more poignant. Incidentally, when you keep his spouse's job in mind,  I guess you can say that Bubba made a deal even Satan couldn't make.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Replacements

Sooooo....after certain rumors in certain posts about certain sidekicks leaving, I thought I would pose a hypothetical question. If the rumors are true, and there is now an empty seat on the program...then who would you like to fill it? Why would you want them to fill it? Should it even be filled at all?

By the way, this could be anybody. I'm obviously implying famous (or semi-famous) comedians, but you can mention anyone that would add to the program. It could be someone who was last on the program during the Carter administration, yourself, your Uncle Dave who gets drunk at Christmas and tells obscene stories about your dad, etc. Just explain why this person is funny/charming/psychopathic enough to entertain you during your morning routine.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

This Made Me Laugh

 From the “Headlines,” July 24 edition:

"Cambridge, Mass. Bomb squad responds to Central Square post office. Suspicious package emitting a 'humming' noise. Building evacuated as demolition team slowly, gingerly peeled back tape, cardboard. Inside – nose hair trimmer. Battery powered. Addressed to MIT staff member. Whether 'gift'… or 'hint'… not determined."

And, "Amy Winehouse set to become latest celebrity to launch her own perfume. Rehab singer, back in Britain after an extended stay in the Caribbean, is said to be hoping to land a deal worth more than $750,000 to offer a product that will 'reflect her style.' Dear god.. What, 'Essence of Porcelain Bus'..?" 

Did these make you laugh? If so, yay. If not, post something else.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

An Important Date

 Today, July 23, is the birthday of a very, very special person. Most of you first heard about this person after they embarrassed President Clinton in the mid-1990s; but some of you may have spotted their brilliance when they were young and struggling in California, virtually unknown to the rest of the world. Because of some rash acts in their past, many have judged this person unfavorably - and, some may argue, unfairly. But no matter what the detractors say, you simply cannot deny this person's impact on American humor, government, pop culture, and - yes - the national spirit.

With all that said...happy birthday, Monica Lewinsky!

Ms. Lewinsky turns 36 today. There are other celebrity birthdays today, too, but none of any real importance.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

And That Was The Way It Was

Yay, the show returns on Monday!

-Rob Bartlett will appear at the Paramount Theatre in Rutland, VT this Saturday, July 25. TIckets are here and more information is here.

 -RIP Walter Cronkite. I fondly recall his appearance with Imus in the fall of 2006, shortly before Katie Couric started working at CBS. In the midst of their conversation, Imus casually asked for Mr. Cronkite's opinion of her taking his old job. Cronkite looked shocked. "WHAT?" he yelled. "They allow WOMEN on the NEWS?!" Meanwhile Charles, who sat to his right, nearly wet himself laughing. 

No, seriously, he will be missed.

Sunday, July 12, 2009


So if you ran into wrestler Andre the Giant, you'd probably be a little intimidated by him, right? I mean, the dude was seven feet four. How would you react - or, rather, how would he react - if you stood next to him and tried to strike up a conversation?

Well, if you go to the 3:35 mark in this video, you'll see what happens after such an occurrence. And, wouldn't you know, it happened to someone whose work you're very familiar with. The results, as they say, speak for themselves.

Friday, July 3, 2009

A Cautionary Tale

Have you ever wondered what happened to those blacklisted guests from the Imus program, since we never hear from them again? I decided to do some searching, and let me tell you - the results aren't pretty.

Exhibit A: Vice President Joe Biden. At one point he was a regular on the program, but eventually he earned a spot on the Weasel List. Recently, a reporter followed the Vice President around for a day in order to profile his everyday life. The results, as they say, were shocking.

Apparently, in a sad attempt to fill the Imus void in his life, Biden now spends his mornings by washing his aging car in the driveway, listening to the I-Man on the car radio, and softly sobbing to himself, reliving the memories, as he plucks out the Burger King wrappers from under the dashboard.

Gaze upon the photos from this sobering article, and melt with ruth:

Sunday, June 21, 2009


This article definitely has a unique one.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Taking (Very Important) Steps

A special note: Rob's son Devin has suffered from ulcerative colitis for the past five years, and has since undergone seven surgeries and procedures to treat the condition. The good news is that he is finally on the road to recovery. He's a brave kid, obviously, and this Saturday he's participating in Long Island's Taking Steps for Crohn's & Colitis Walk.  If you'd like to read more about his team, and if you want to participate, then click here. 

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Cardinal Returned! (Again)

As all of you know, the Cardinal returned this week, marking his first appearance since unemployment. Y'all know I loves me some Cardinal, and I hope that this time he says here for good. He's had more farewell tours than Celine Dion, bejeez.

Cardinal Egan, 5/27/09

Friday, May 22, 2009

Monday, May 18, 2009

Do You Need Your Carpets Cleaned?

Because, if you watch this video at the 2:10 mark and at the 6:20 mark, you'll find someone who can do just that. You might even recognize him.

Also, it's his birthday today. :-)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Sunday, May 10, 2009


It is very important.

(Also - the Radiothon ends this Monday, May 11. Donations are encouranged, even if you are merely among the "lesser nobility".)

Thursday, May 7, 2009


To donate online, click here.

To view the auction items, click here.

To read more about the charities involved, click here.

(Special Note: I apologize for the Radiothon information being late.  The power in my apartment went out last night, thanks to the staggering influence of 5 raindrops and one thunderclap. Also because my building's electrical system was, apparently, installed by Druids. So, sorry 'bout that. 

In reality, I know that none of you were going to get the donation information directly from this website, and instead were going to head to WABC or; however; I feel like I should call the power company and harangue them for impeding the donation of money to the little sick children.  Or, at the very least, I should keep in the spirit of the “Greening” stuff and complain about how I had to throw out all the healthy food from my fridge; and that the horrible processed slab from the vending machine that I ate for breakfast will most certainly give me mercury poisoning and/or cancer. ;)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Swine Flu, Part 2

After listening to the program last week, I caught on to some extremely subtle hints that suggested, ever so slightly, that certain cast members are afraid of the swine flu. (I'm just a perceptive listener, that's all.) If you also happen to fall into this category, I highly suggest that you visit my favorite new website, which is medical in origin and answers that important question: Do I have swine flu?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Writer's Block

Yeah, I've been rocking that for the past few days, and I apologize. So in lieu of me actually being creative, here's another, better idea for a post: List your favorite recent lines from the program. By "recent," I mean from the past week or so.

There are many, but for some reason this one in particular made me laugh: "Charles knows absolutely nothing about technology. If you gave him an Ipod, he'd try to eat it."

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Movin' Out

This Thursday, April 16, "Imus at Night" will be held at Mohegan Sun with a majority of the cast performing. It should be awesome. Tickets are sold, then, why am I advertising this? If you bought the tickets, you're going, and if you didn't, you can't. Huh, my bad. Whoops. I guess I just wasted fifteen seconds of your life by reading this. (Or twenty, if you're a slower reader.) (Or twenty-five, if you made it this far.) (I could go all day.)

-“An Evening With Rob Bartlett” will be playing at the Tarrytown Music Hall in Tarrytown , NY, next Saturday April 25. Tickets are here and directions are here.

-This Monday, April 13, the program will move from Rainbow Studios into the regular WABC studios. I'm not sure why RFD is having trouble paying the rent, but I assume it was because these were not selling as well as they'd hoped.

-Happy Easter!

Saturday, April 4, 2009


So today's the anniversary of "the unpleasantness." (Actually, that's inaccurate; the real "unpleasantness" didn't come until the following week.) But hey, why spend our Saturday whining about stuff that happened two years ago? It's a beautiful spring day; the weather is warming up; the Final Four's on tonight; things are good. (We'll save our whining for next week, when it's Hump Day and it's raining.)

So instead of complaining, today I'll show you something awesome. Go to here and here and click on the "Flash video" button. You'll thank me later. :)

(Also: on the first video you may have to fast forward for about an hour or so, because the sound is messed up at the beginning. It makes everyone sound like they've been possessed by demons. Well, maybe by more demons than usual.)

Friday, March 27, 2009

Reading is Fun

One of the advantages of the Imus premium service is that you can listen to the show without commercials. And one of the downsides? Listening to the show without commercials.

And by "commercials," I mean those epic PSAs that tell us how to live our lives. One disturbing trend I'd noticed while listening to the stream was that, on average, 90% of the PSAs could be divided into the following categories:

1)Your kids are off doing horrible, antisocial things - doing drugs, cheating in school, singing off-key ditties about their chronic asthma problem - all at the same time. Since you’ve never talked to your kids about these issues, you are a despicable parent who should never have been allowed to procreate.

2) There are millions of foster children who desperately want you to adopt them.

In recent times they've been playing "Joys of Reading" PSAs, sponsored by some National Literacy Organization. (So along with being a deadbeat parent, you also can't read no good.) An announcer would read a passage from a "nature adventure" book, and then they'd announce, like a radio DJ at the end of a song, "That was (title), written by (author). To read more, go to our website."

The reason I'm mentioning these commercials is that they brought back a very special memory, one that will resonate with those of you around my age. The other day, the literacy group advertised the book "Hatchet."

Hatchet was this book about a kid who survives a plane crash and has to fend for himself in the wilderness. This was one of those children's "nature appreciation" books that tried to get kids to put down the Nintendo and enjoy the environment. The problem was, nearly all of these books embraced the wilderness by having the characters stranded in the woods, starving to death, being badly hurt, and doing everything they could to get OUT of the wilderness.

I have never understood why the authors used this tactic. If I wanted kids to appreciate nature, I think I'd write about a book about how nature is, you know, fun. Now, we all know that the wild is filled with horrifying things - snakes, carnivores, Southern men politely requesting you to squeal like a pig - but geez, it isn't all terrible. Write about the fun parts, like canoeing and hiking and going on adventures. Don't write about urine-drinking or cousin-eating or crawling out of the plane wreckage, injured and covered in jet fuel, as the pilot slowly burns alive in the inferno. And you wonder why kids don't play outside anymore.

Anyway, at the time I was the only ten-year-old on the North American continent who had never read the book. EVERYONE read this novel; it was the village bicycle of book reports. I don't know why I never looked into it. I guess I grew tired of hearing fifty presentations, all in a row, about how a kid has to eat turtle eggs for 150 pages. And plus, I knew without reading it that the boy would get rescued in the end. The great thing about books for that age was that 95% of them had a happy ending; you knew that the author wouldn't give you the finger and have the kid get eaten by wolverines.

Even better, the book was so successful that the author wrote four sequels about the boy getting stranded in the forest. It was the Police Academy of young adult fiction. Honestly, some people just need to stay away from airplanes.

But even though I successfully avoided reading Hatchet as a child, it appears that as an adult I still haven’t escaped it entirely; they now advertise it in, of all places, my favorite radio program. I have come full circle.

So thank you, Imus in the Morning, for bringing back those memories. And if that National Council really want to boost literacy, then I suggest that they ditch the fourth-grade nature novels and have Charles read aloud from Portnoy’s Complaint or 120 Days of Sodom. Now THAT would get people reading.

Monday, March 23, 2009


Which do you prefer -this one or this one?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

George Weber, RIP

Mr. Weber, formerly a morning news anchor at WABC, was found murdered in his apartment over the weekend. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Monday, March 16, 2009


There are a thousand articles about this already; but the only one of importance is the statement from this morning's program.

Get well soon, I-Man...and guys, if you haven't been tested, please do so.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Happy St. Patrick's Day (Eve)

- You might want to be at the Wilbur Theatre on St. Patrick's Day morn.

- Unfortunately, Sid Rosenberg is out in Miami.

-You know what's sad about this article? It's about something that's extremely dumb and inconsequential; and yet I found it more interesting than, say, anything remotely connected to Rihanna or Chris Brown.

-Last Tuesday morning, when I was trapped at home whilst waiting for the maintenance guys, I happened to flip on the television and somehow left it on the Today Show. I watched it long enough to see Al Roker introduce a segment by smiling and saying, "Let's go to the videotape!" Blasphemy!

But I'm actually glad that I watched it that morning, because I witnessed the following exchange between Mr. Roker, Matt Lauer, and a young perky anchor who's maybe three years older than me:

Matt: Next week, the Today Show will be broadcasting live from Ireland to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.

Young Anchor: Oooh! Ireland! You guys should wear kilts!


Sunday, March 8, 2009

Inside Imus

No, that's not the name of some horrific medical file. It's actually the program's new listener subscription service, and it sounds pretty sweet. Check it out.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

All The News That's Fit To Print

So I just checked According to their website, the most important news headline of the day was: "Dead Sea Scrolls Scholar's Son Arrested In New York." New York - the city that never sleeps! According to the article, they arrested him while he was, quote, "selling sea scrolls by the seashore."

Even better, the next headline showed a photo of a gay couple from Utah protesting Proposition 8. The problem? The headline read, "Dad Pleads Guilty In 4 Kids' Deaths, Wants To Die."

I think Charles needs to give the smackdown to some of his fellow reporters...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Cardinal Dolan?

Hmmm. It'll take me a while to get used to it, but I can deal. "Live from the Archdiocese of New York, here's Cardinal Dolan" doesn't sound too bad. Plus, he's still Irish.

There have been many articles written about his predecessor, including this one from the New York Times. What struck me the most was the following sentence: "As all bishops must when they turn 75, Cardinal Egan wrote to Pope Benedict XVI, in April 2007, offering to retire."

You know, if this happened in April 2007, I think I know the REAL reason he wanted to retire...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Act Like A Man!

-That's the name of Rob Bartlett's new show, which will be at the Mayo Center For The Performing Arts in Morristown, NJ next Saturday, February 28th. Tickets and directions are here.

-So, what exactly happens when two I-guests are feuding? I suggest that the program take advantage of it. Like, hold a cage match death fight that benefits the Ranch. Or something.

-The Cardinal makes an appearance three weeks in a row? I'm liking this...

Saturday, February 14, 2009


-In today's installment of "Things That Actually Happened About Four Months Ago, Despite The Fact That I'm Only Talking About Them Now" (TTAHAFMADTFTIOTATN), a radio magazine decided to do a profile of Charles. It is a nice article, though it has a really strange title ("Charles In Charge Sounds Agreeable Accord"). I have absolutely no idea what that means or how that relates to him. It sounds like something poorly translated from the Japanese. Be sure to watch for the key part of the interview, when Charles is talking about his childhood, and the interviewer is suddenly eaten by Mothra.

-Even if you've already seen it, this is a nice article about the PD at WABC.

-If you had a satellite radio company that was about to file for bankruptcy...and, on the same day that word got out about this, you heard that two satellites randomly collided in an unprecedented freak accident...would you consider this a bad sign?

-Happy Valentine's Day! Be sure to have fun with your sweetie and to tip the waitress.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Good Morning And God Bless!

Cardinal Egan returned to the program today after nearly a year-long absence. We've all missed him, and his appearance was much appreciated and long overdue. Let's hope that he soon returns.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Sarah Was A Seeker, Wandrin' Through The Night

To commemorate the Pittsburgh Steelers' Super Bowl win, I think it is only appropriate to honor the greatest Steeler of all time.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

James Brady, 1928-2009

James Brady, author and frequent Imus guest, died this week at age 80.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I Just Hope This Works Out Better Than Last Time

"Sid Rosenberg is scheduled to provide reports for Don Imus' WABC radio show from the Super Bowl Tuesday through Friday of next week," Neil Best reports.

Monday, January 19, 2009


Reader Fake Cardinal Egan happened to notice an extremely eerie resemblance between two very famous people. I can't explain it, except that maybe it involves a very intricate "Switched At Birth" conspiracy:

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


Tonight the I-Man will be interviewed on Hannity, in a two-part appearance which will continue into Thursday. 9 Eastern/8 Central, etc. Enjoy, and try to hold back your bereaved, sorrowful tears for the departure of Alan Colmes.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

How Will I Know?

So the other night I was watching Sportscenter (Motto: "We'll Tell You The Scores, But Not After Bragging That Our 70s Pop Culture Knowledge Is Vastly Superior To Yours.") It cut to commercial - and then, out of nowhere, I saw an ESPN ad with Mike Breen and Shaq. It was a very cute piece. Then I saw another.

It turns out that there are a ton of commercials featuring the two, and in each one they're engaging in a variety of activities: playing Twenty Questions together, riding in a team bus together, performing anti-Kobe raps in nightclubs together, etc.

I decided to look them up on Youtube. But after I typed the query into the search engine, I made an incredible discovery. It turns out that, in the 80s, there was a mulleted Canadian singer with a string of hits on the Canadian pop charts. His name? "Michael Breen."

Here is the video to his power ballad "How Will I Know," which is tragically NOT a Whitney Houston cover. The video is over twenty years old and comes from a very worn recording, so its ambiance is something between "hostage tape" and "last-known footage."

Here's the synopsis: It's very dark. The band is alone in the Canadian wilderness. (Perhaps their hunting guide was eaten by wolves.) Fortunately they have a generator, which powers their guitars and electric keyboard. Also, a band member has an extremely tiny piano. This is not explained. One guy on the film crew has a brand-new leaf blower. He will not turn it off, not even during inappropriate moments.

Meanwhile, the singers are full of angst. We don't know why. Perhaps it's over a girl, or perhaps they had just heard of the hiring freeze at Mr. Mister. Whatver the reason, they are hand-wringing like nobody's business.

Now, there is nothing wrong with a bunch of guys making videos in their backyard. It's a lot of fun, actually. And it's all in good fun...until they start using MARIONETTES. Yes, marionettes. And these puppets COME ALIVE. And they are not cute puppets, either. Scary ones. Think Lady Elaine Fairchild on drums.

So that's the video. Also, if you want to see the commercials with Breen and Shaq (oh, right...that WAS the point of this, wasn't it), then you can watch them here and here.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Back To Work

Just a reminder - the show returns from vacation on Monday, January 5.