Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Thanks to everyone who sent in articles. Keep 'em coming!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
"Cambridge, Mass. Bomb squad responds to Central Square post office. Suspicious package emitting a 'humming' noise. Building evacuated as demolition team slowly, gingerly peeled back tape, cardboard. Inside – nose hair trimmer. Battery powered. Addressed to MIT staff member. Whether 'gift'… or 'hint'… not determined."
And, "Amy Winehouse set to become latest celebrity to launch her own perfume. Rehab singer, back in Britain after an extended stay in the Caribbean, is said to be hoping to land a deal worth more than $750,000 to offer a product that will 'reflect her style.' Dear god.. What, 'Essence of Porcelain Bus'..?"
Did these make you laugh? If so, yay. If not, post something else.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Exhibit A: Vice President Joe Biden. At one point he was a regular on the program, but eventually he earned a spot on the Weasel List. Recently, a reporter followed the Vice President around for a day in order to profile his everyday life. The results, as they say, were shocking.
Apparently, in a sad attempt to fill the Imus void in his life, Biden now spends his mornings by washing his aging car in the driveway, listening to the I-Man on the car radio, and softly sobbing to himself, reliving the memories, as he plucks out the Burger King wrappers from under the dashboard.
Gaze upon the photos from this sobering article, and melt with ruth:
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
A special note: Rob's son Devin has suffered from ulcerative colitis for the past five years, and has since undergone seven surgeries and procedures to treat the condition. The good news is that he is finally on the road to recovery. He's a brave kid, obviously, and this Saturday he's participating in Long Island's Taking Steps for Crohn's & Colitis Walk. If you'd like to read more about his team, and if you want to participate, then click here.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Cardinal Egan, 5/27/09
Friday, May 22, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
There are many, but for some reason this one in particular made me laugh: "Charles knows absolutely nothing about technology. If you gave him an Ipod, he'd try to eat it."
Sunday, April 12, 2009
This Thursday, April 16, "Imus at Night" will be held at Mohegan Sun with a majority of the cast performing. It should be awesome. Tickets are sold out...so, then, why am I advertising this? If you bought the tickets, you're going, and if you didn't, you can't. Huh, my bad. Whoops. I guess I just wasted fifteen seconds of your life by reading this. (Or twenty, if you're a slower reader.) (Or twenty-five, if you made it this far.) (I could go all day.)
-“An Evening With Rob Bartlett” will be playing at the Tarrytown Music Hall in Tarrytown , NY, next Saturday April 25. Tickets are here and directions are here.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
So instead of complaining, today I'll show you something awesome. Go to here and here and click on the "Flash video" button. You'll thank me later. :)
(Also: on the first video you may have to fast forward for about an hour or so, because the sound is messed up at the beginning. It makes everyone sound like they've been possessed by demons. Well, maybe by more demons than usual.)
Friday, March 27, 2009
And by "commercials," I mean those epic PSAs that tell us how to live our lives. One disturbing trend I'd noticed while listening to the stream was that, on average, 90% of the PSAs could be divided into the following categories:
1)Your kids are off doing horrible, antisocial things - doing drugs, cheating in school, singing off-key ditties about their chronic asthma problem - all at the same time. Since you’ve never talked to your kids about these issues, you are a despicable parent who should never have been allowed to procreate.
2) There are millions of foster children who desperately want you to adopt them.
In recent times they've been playing "Joys of Reading" PSAs, sponsored by some National Literacy Organization. (So along with being a deadbeat parent, you also can't read no good.) An announcer would read a passage from a "nature adventure" book, and then they'd announce, like a radio DJ at the end of a song, "That was (title), written by (author). To read more, go to our website."
The reason I'm mentioning these commercials is that they brought back a very special memory, one that will resonate with those of you around my age. The other day, the literacy group advertised the book "Hatchet."
Hatchet was this book about a kid who survives a plane crash and has to fend for himself in the wilderness. This was one of those children's "nature appreciation" books that tried to get kids to put down the Nintendo and enjoy the environment. The problem was, nearly all of these books embraced the wilderness by having the characters stranded in the woods, starving to death, being badly hurt, and doing everything they could to get OUT of the wilderness.
I have never understood why the authors used this tactic. If I wanted kids to appreciate nature, I think I'd write about a book about how nature is, you know, fun. Now, we all know that the wild is filled with horrifying things - snakes, carnivores, Southern men politely requesting you to squeal like a pig - but geez, it isn't all terrible. Write about the fun parts, like canoeing and hiking and going on adventures. Don't write about urine-drinking or cousin-eating or crawling out of the plane wreckage, injured and covered in jet fuel, as the pilot slowly burns alive in the inferno. And you wonder why kids don't play outside anymore.
Anyway, at the time I was the only ten-year-old on the North American continent who had never read the book. EVERYONE read this novel; it was the village bicycle of book reports. I don't know why I never looked into it. I guess I grew tired of hearing fifty presentations, all in a row, about how a kid has to eat turtle eggs for 150 pages. And plus, I knew without reading it that the boy would get rescued in the end. The great thing about books for that age was that 95% of them had a happy ending; you knew that the author wouldn't give you the finger and have the kid get eaten by wolverines.
Even better, the book was so successful that the author wrote four sequels about the boy getting stranded in the forest. It was the Police Academy of young adult fiction. Honestly, some people just need to stay away from airplanes.
But even though I successfully avoided reading Hatchet as a child, it appears that as an adult I still haven’t escaped it entirely; they now advertise it in, of all places, my favorite radio program. I have come full circle.
So thank you, Imus in the Morning, for bringing back those memories. And if that National Council really want to boost literacy, then I suggest that they ditch the fourth-grade nature novels and have Charles read aloud from Portnoy’s Complaint or 120 Days of Sodom. Now THAT would get people reading.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
- Unfortunately, Sid Rosenberg is out in Miami.
-You know what's sad about this article? It's about something that's extremely dumb and inconsequential; and yet I found it more interesting than, say, anything remotely connected to Rihanna or Chris Brown.
-Last Tuesday morning, when I was trapped at home whilst waiting for the maintenance guys, I happened to flip on the television and somehow left it on the Today Show. I watched it long enough to see Al Roker introduce a segment by smiling and saying, "Let's go to the videotape!" Blasphemy!
But I'm actually glad that I watched it that morning, because I witnessed the following exchange between Mr. Roker, Matt Lauer, and a young perky anchor who's maybe three years older than me:
Matt: Next week, the Today Show will be broadcasting live from Ireland to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.
Young Anchor: Oooh! Ireland! You guys should wear kilts!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Even better, the next headline showed a photo of a gay couple from Utah protesting Proposition 8. The problem? The headline read, "Dad Pleads Guilty In 4 Kids' Deaths, Wants To Die."
I think Charles needs to give the smackdown to some of his fellow reporters...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
There have been many articles written about his predecessor, including this one from the New York Times. What struck me the most was the following sentence: "As all bishops must when they turn 75, Cardinal Egan wrote to Pope Benedict XVI, in April 2007, offering to retire."
You know, if this happened in April 2007, I think I know the REAL reason he wanted to retire...
Friday, February 20, 2009
-So, what exactly happens when two I-guests are feuding? I suggest that the program take advantage of it. Like, hold a cage match death fight that benefits the Ranch. Or something.
-The Cardinal makes an appearance three weeks in a row? I'm liking this...
Saturday, February 14, 2009
-Even if you've already seen it, this is a nice article about the PD at WABC.
-If you had a satellite radio company that was about to file for bankruptcy...and, on the same day that word got out about this, you heard that two satellites randomly collided in an unprecedented freak accident...would you consider this a bad sign?
-Happy Valentine's Day! Be sure to have fun with your sweetie and to tip the waitress.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
It turns out that there are a ton of commercials featuring the two, and in each one they're engaging in a variety of activities: playing Twenty Questions together, riding in a team bus together, performing anti-Kobe raps in nightclubs together, etc.
I decided to look them up on Youtube. But after I typed the query into the search engine, I made an incredible discovery. It turns out that, in the 80s, there was a mulleted Canadian singer with a string of hits on the Canadian pop charts. His name? "Michael Breen."
Here is the video to his power ballad "How Will I Know," which is tragically NOT a Whitney Houston cover. The video is over twenty years old and comes from a very worn recording, so its ambiance is something between "hostage tape" and "last-known footage."
Here's the synopsis: It's very dark. The band is alone in the Canadian wilderness. (Perhaps their hunting guide was eaten by wolves.) Fortunately they have a generator, which powers their guitars and electric keyboard. Also, a band member has an extremely tiny piano. This is not explained. One guy on the film crew has a brand-new leaf blower. He will not turn it off, not even during inappropriate moments.
Meanwhile, the singers are full of angst. We don't know why. Perhaps it's over a girl, or perhaps they had just heard of the hiring freeze at Mr. Mister. Whatver the reason, they are hand-wringing like nobody's business.
Now, there is nothing wrong with a bunch of guys making videos in their backyard. It's a lot of fun, actually. And it's all in good fun...until they start using MARIONETTES. Yes, marionettes. And these puppets COME ALIVE. And they are not cute puppets, either. Scary ones. Think Lady Elaine Fairchild on drums.
So that's the video. Also, if you want to see the commercials with Breen and Shaq (oh, right...that WAS the point of this, wasn't it), then you can watch them here and here.