Monday, September 29, 2008
(As for the cute little guy pictured above: There was a brief scary moment during the golf tournament when Bill Murray attacked him with a flamethrower. Fortunately Mr. Murray was subdued, and the event went on as scheduled.)
Monday, September 22, 2008
If you're going and you're planning on playing a round, then have an excellent evening. Unfortunately, my only talents in golfing are A) driving the cart and B) hitting the ball past the windmill, so I decided to skip out.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Speaking of country music: You know that McCain song by John Rich? The one they've played a few times on the show? The other day I asked myself, "'Raising McCain?' What does that even mean?" Yes, I know it's a pun on the famous phrase, but still: how does one "raise" McCain? Is he like a crop? Do we water him and nurture him? Will he ripen in November?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Recently, the headquarters wanted to beef up security surrounding the recipe, and they decided to transport it to a different location. Since keeping the secret safe is integral to their livelihood, they naturally chose the most trustworthy man for the job:
The recipe that launched the chicken chain was placed in a lock box that was handcuffed to security expert Bo Dietl, who climbed aboard an armored car that whisked away with an escort from off-duty police officers...
Dietl, a former New York City police detective, assured (the President of KFC) that the iconic recipe would be safe.
"There's no way, shape or form ... that anybody is going to get their hands on this recipe," he said. "And if they get their hands on this recipe, they have to take me with them."
This has "hijinks ensue" written all over it...
Monday, September 8, 2008
Two weeks ago today, I suffered a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot that travelled through my heart and lodged itself at the junction between my pulmonary artery and both lungs. I passed out, was revived by a bonafide Angel of New York City, (With the abundance of unconscious male bodies strewn about the sidewalks of 32nd street at 5:30 A.M., I am honored he chose me to rescue) and after dragging myself to the Rainbow Studios, wound up being accompanied by Christy Mac via ambulance to St. Vincent's Hospital, where my team of truly gifted doctors, led by Dr. Frederick Rappaport and Dr. Tom Bernik, as well as an amazing nursing staff, virtually saved my life. A clot was removed from my leg, a filter was placed in the artery between my heart and kidney, and will be undergoing blood thinner therapy on an ongoing basis.
Today I finally return home to my family, where I will be recuperating for the next couple of weeks, until I get the go ahead to go back to work live in the studio. I'll continue to phone in each morning, from my fortress of solitude on Long Island, and should be back doing stand up shows beginning in October.
From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank all of you who kept me in your thoughts and prayers, sent cards, and made donations to the ranch during this very frightening and challenging time in my life. I was deeply moved by the enormous outpouring of love and support from in you all, and I want you to know that, in the darkest moments over the past couple of weeks, the blessing of your kind thoughtfulness was instrumental in aiding my recovery.
I am honored to know, and continue to be amazed by, the devotion and loyalty of the special group of people known as the fans and supporters of the Imus in the Morning Program. You are, indeed, the best of the best, and I truly appreciate the support.
I know I am a very lucky man today, as I certainly dodged a bullet here, but I vow to use that gift for good, and not evil.
Hopefully, the removal of the clots will make me funnier than I was before. It certainly didn't do anything to improve the size of my penis.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
-Line of the week, so far, was Rob Bartlett's observation that Sarah Palin has named her children "after Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavors."
-Some guy reviews the Ranch Album, and loves it; however, he spends half the article hand-wringing about how horribly guilty he feels for approving something that Imus created. It's like the Sophie's Choice of album reviews. If reviewing Ranch Album caused him that much mental trauma, I hope he never has to listen to Frank Sinatra: Live At Sun City, or Gary Glitter: Young at Heart.
-In what is otherwise a very heartfelt article, a woman writes that female suffragettes have been called names throughout the years "that would make Jay-Z and Howard Imus blush today." I wholeheartedly agree: Howard Imus is a piece of trash. I'm glad he's off the air.
-Apparently, this week is the anniversary of something called the "Battle of Imus." I have absolutely no idea what this is, but it sounds, um, amazing.